I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
