Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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