You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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