I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
