Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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