is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
