I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
