her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
whose ass print is on the piano?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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