My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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