Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
