i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
