Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
