Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Im just a social blackout drinker.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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