i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
