he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
