Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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