hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
