yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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