Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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