4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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