Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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