Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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