Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
