My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
