we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
