Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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