Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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