I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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