Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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