he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
