: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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