On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
