We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
