I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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