I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
