I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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