I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
