It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
