Dignity is for republicans.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
