I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Houston, we have a squirter
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
