I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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