My sheets look like a crime scene.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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