can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
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