ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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