Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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