we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
