do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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