literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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