I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
