Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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