Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
