I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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