Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
