does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
