so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
