obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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