yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
