I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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