I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
