We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
