I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
