I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
