She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing