She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
