i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.