He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag