I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets