i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle