How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.