My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant