His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
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Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
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Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex