dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
