about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
