i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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