I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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