dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
