Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
