So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
