Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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