My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
